


You Know Me Better Than I Know Myself

by QueenoftheWallflowers



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin Reunion, F/M, Haircuts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:13:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25749445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenoftheWallflowers/pseuds/QueenoftheWallflowers
Summary: Clarke and Bellamy are reunited but Echo's words echo through Clarke's mind.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & Nathan Miller, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Clarke Griffin & Gabriel Santiago | Xavier, Clarke Griffin & Nathan Miller, Octavia Blake & Clarke Griffin, Octavia Blake & Nathan Miller
Comments: 31
Kudos: 86





	You Know Me Better Than I Know Myself

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be posted last. 2? week ago but anger at Miller's lines being cut and RL keeping me busy but here we are.

There's a flash of light and Jordan squints as Niylah raises her gun at the large figure that just appeared in front of them.

"Who are you ?"  
The figure ignores them, scanning the room.  
He's large, a heavy blood stained and dirty fur draped over his body. His hair is long, stringy, matted with dirt and Jordan wrinkles his nose.  
The man smells like death.  
The man shifts toward them and Niylah moves.  
"Don't move or I will shoot. I said who are you?"

But before the man can answer the doors open and Niylah points her gun in that direction.  
Jordan lets out a sigh of relief at the sight of Clarke, if anyone can get answers out of the man it would be her.  
But she's staring at the man, shock across her face as the others crowd around her. Miller's gun in pointed at the man and Niylah shifts her gun back to the man who is staring at the group- no at Clarke, slack jaw.  
Echo brushes past Clarke, knocking into her shoulder eyes on the man.  
"Who is this? Who are you?"  
The anger in her voice scares him.  
But the man ignores her, eyes on Clarke and only Clarke.  
"Hey Princess." His voice is deep, raspy, as if he has not had water in a long time but there is no denying the love in his voice.  
Next to Clarke, Octavia's knees buckle and Gabriel wraps an arm around her waist quickly.  
"No...."  
Echo's eyes are narrow and the helmet slips from Raven's hands only for Hope to catch it quickly, cradling it in her arms.  
Miller's gun falls to his side.  
And Clarke?  
Well, Jordan watch as Clarke Griffin breaks.  
She lets out a sharp gasp of air, taking a step forward and her hand trembles as she reaches through the air for him and her voice shakes.  
"Bellamy?"  
When Clarke utters his name, Octavia pushes away from Bellamy to throw her arms around her brother and the man hung her tightly, ducking his head after a few beats pulling away from Clarke into Octavia's hair and they sway.  
The others are are in shock too but Jordan's eyes are on Clarke.  
She's covering her mouth eyes on the siblings and Miller's arm slips around her pulling her toward him and Clarke sinks into his side.  
She's crying silently, tears streaking down her face.  
Octavia eventually pulls away from her brother stepping back to let someone else hug him but the second his sister pulls away, his eyes are on Clarke, with a look that Jordan can only describe as longing.  
Echo steps hugging him next and Jordan has never seen a more awkward hug. Bellamy pats her shoulder, eyes on Clarke as if afraid she will disappear from his sight. 

Clarke is shaking in his arms and Miller is at a lost. He thought seeing Bellamy break down at the lake by himself was bad but Clarke seeing that Bellamy is alive and in front of her is just as bad. Her fingers are fisted into his jacket and she's trembling and her sobs are muffled and she's breaking in front of him and he doesn't know what to do. Clarke's grief of losing Bellamy and the relief she is feeling that he's alive are crashing together.  
Octavia places a hand on Clarke's arm.  
"Clarke, Bell's alive."  
She nods and Octavia wraps her arm around her letting the blonde cry into her shoulders and Octavia closes her eyes as the blonde mutters in her ear. "I'm so happy."  
Miller watches as Raven is next, the woman cuffing his head and Miller catches the wince from Bellamy and he makes a mental note to make sure someone takes a look at this head.  
Clarke pulls away from Octavia wiping away her tears and she pulls away from Miller even though the taller boy seems relucant to let her go.  
Octavia squeezes her hand before dropping it as Raven lets go of Bellamy.  
His eyes are still on Clarke.

Clarke takes Bellamy in fully.  
His hair is dry and dirty and reminds her to her red hair and her hair when she was on earth alone. He's got dirt all over and the fur coat he is wearing is dirty and blood stained and his beard is even worse than she can ever imagine but it's Bellamy.  
She could never forget the softness in his eyes and the warmth in them.  
She takes one step forward and then another and then another and before she knows it, she's in front of Bellamy.

"Bellamy."  
That's all it takes, that's all it takes for her arms to wrap around his neck and his around her waist.  
She pulls the collar of his fur coat away need to be as close as possible to Bellamy's skin as possible.  
She nuzzles the crook of his neck, ignoring the fact that he smells like sweat and blood and death.  
He's alive.  
He's alive.  
He's breathing.  
Bellamy's alive and breathing and he's hugging her hard enough that she's pretty sure her feet have left the ground.  
She can taste salt on her lips and it takes a her a second to realize that it's from her tears.  
It takes her another second to realize that he's muttering in her ear, "You're really here, you're really here, you're really here." Then she feels the tears on her neck, his dried chapped lips on her cheek, her neck, her hair, his arms tight around her.  
There isn't a universe where she wouldn't recognize Bellamy.  
The second she stepped foot into the room and saw a man in the room, her heart had started beating faster louder, and every part of her ached to be at his side. She knew Bellamy better than she knew anyone else.  


Or so she thought.  
As much as she hated it, Echo's words had managed to sink into her skin, burrow itself into her brain.  
Echo was right, what were the few months she and Bellamy spent together formed through blood and fire and death and a lever compared to the six years Bellamy spent in space, safe with his family, with Raven, with Echo.  


Bellamy can feel her pulling away.  
And so he hugs her even tighter.  
He has spent months thinking, talking to Clarke and only Clarke.  
If he had it his way she would never leave his arms, his side ever again and he would never leave hers.  
The second she had stepped foot in the room, he had been unable to take his eyes off her, the only time he did so was when he was hugging his sister.  
Being alone for months at an ice cold planet, watching the only person he had for company die, it changed him.  
It made him realize that he needed to stop wasting time.  
It also gave him time to think- to make peace with all he had done, to realize the depths of his feelings for Clarke- he was in love with her, always had been but the time alone had solidified it for him.  
He wanted a home, a life with her, one that was full of peace and hugs and being surrounded by their laughing family, and if Clarke was willing a few other kids too.  


Miller makes eye contact with Gabriel who is looking at Octavia, a faint, almost wistful smile on his face as he watches her watches her brother and Clarke, her arm around Hope who's eyes are red.  
Gabriel's cheeks turn pink when he makes eye contact with Miller and he scratches his neck and Miller bites his lip to keep himself from laughing.  
He doesn't know much about the man but if he could handle Josephine, he could probably handle Octavia.  
His eyes drift from Gabriel to Jordan who is simply watching them, huge smile on his face and Miller's heart aches for the boy who looks so much like his parents. Monty and Harper would have loved to be here for one of Bellamy and Clarke's famous hugs.  
Niylah is talking to Raven who is casting glances at Echo, who seems to be looking more and more murderous the longer the hug lasts. Miller can't shake the way she screamed at Clarke out of his head, it took everything he had not to tell her that she was not the only one grieving, that she did not have a monopoly on grief. That he was mourning a man he considered to be a brother, that was Octavia's actual brother, the same man who loved and protected Clarke with the same fierceness that she loved and protected him. Echo was wrong, the only people who knew Bellamy best were his sister and Clarke. He just hoped that Clarke didn't listen to Echo's words.  
He eyes the gun in Niylah's hand and the way Echo's jaw is clenched and decides to interrupt.  
He coughs loudly and all eyes land on him, Bellamy and Clarke pulling apart to look at him.  
Clarke steps away from him and Miller strolls forward to hug the man.  
"It's good to see you brother."  
Bellamy hugs him tighter before he lets him go, eyes drifting to Clarke.  
But before they can ask him where he was or why he smells like death the doors open and all guns shift to the opened door.  
Clarke shifts slightly and Bellamy steps closer to her.  
It's Levitt and several other guards.  
His face is clean, all signs of torture gone.  
"Mr.Blake. You're alive."  
Bellamy gives a nod, fingers itching to pull Clarke towards him.  
"Your little stunt of killing Anders has set us back a bit and I'm afraid you will not be allowed to leave."  
"Do you honestly think I will help you?"  
Levitt waves a hand through the air.  
"I think the guns speak for themselves."  
Miller isn't aware that someone is behind him until he feels the gun poking in ribs.  
Clarke's shoulders slump and Levitt grins.  


Bellamy stares at himself in the mirror, unable to recognize himself.  
Clarke has suggested that he shower, a teasing smile on her face, as she pulled on some of his hair.  
"You should clean up, I don't want to go back to Sanctum and have someone shoot you because they don't know who you are."  
He laughs.  
"Not a fan of the caveman look?"  
Her eyes soften and she shakes her head, a teasing smile on her face.  
"I'm a fan of you being alive."  
Well that had settled it for him.  
He had dragged himself to the bathroom and had thrown the fur coat on the ground, Gabriel's cardigan on a separate pile, in hopes that a good wash could save it, his shirt comes off next thrown with the fur jacket, he knows that the rips and tears from trying to keep his companion from dying makes its unusable.  
The water is warm and it feels good and Bellamy scrubs until the water is black from the dirt. 

Clarke runs a hand through her hair. Hope's crying silently, Octavia's arm around her. Miller is standing near the door, Niylah next to him both of them with their guns. Jordan is talking to Raven and Echo is leaning against the wall, arms crossed, eyes hard. None of them have spoken to each other since they were escorted to the room. Clarke wishes some of them would leave so she could break in peace. Gabriel squeezes her arm.  
"How are you?"  
"I'm fine. We need to figure out what we are doing next."  
Gabriel sighs, "Don't do this. Don't close yourself down."  
"Clarke Griffin doesn't break. Besides, it's not like I knew him best. What's a few months compared to years?"  
She doesn't mean to say it, it slips out but it's enough for Gabriel to grab her arms and drag her away from the others, body position in front of her so the others can't see them.  
"Time means nothing compared to the moments you shared. He spent six years of peace with them but he went to war with you, he protected you, he pulled a lever with you. He was willing to risk it all for you."  
Clarke's lips are parted in shock and he smiles.  
"Octavia has some time to tell me all about you two. Clarke, there is no one else in this world, with the exception being Octavia who knows him better."  
Clarke licks her lips but before she can come up with a response, the door opens and Bellamy's head peaks up.  
"Clarke, I could use a hand?"  
She ignores the look Echo gives her and steps into the bathroom.  
He looks better dressed in white pants, no shirt, his hair still long but clean. He holds out some scissors.  
"Can you?"  
Clarke takes the scissors from his hand and she holds them shakly.  
Echo's words and now Gabriel's words in her head.  
Bellamy is in front of her, he's alive and breathing and it feels surreal.  
She can't imagine the pain he went through thinking she was dead for six years, she only through him to be dead for a few hours. How did he handle it?  
Her lips form a twisted pained smile, well she knew how he dealt with it.  
Or rather who he did to deal with it.  
Her fingers grip the scissors tightly at the though.  
"You should ask Echo to cut your hair."  
Bellamy's eyes meets her in the mirror, confusion in his eyes.  
"Echo? Clarke, there is a reason why I had a beard."  
She knows she shouldn't laugh but she does so anyway and his shoulders relax.  
She manages to make the first cut and then the next but as she cut she realizes she's not sure exactly what Bellamy wants.  
She's fond of the way he looked back on earth but that may because for her that was her Bellamy not Echo's Bellamy.  
She doesn't realize that she has been paused midcut for a while, consumed with the thoughts that she doesn't know what Bellamy wants and that her hand is shaking.  
Bellamy turns around to look at Clarke once he realizes that she's stopped cutting his hair.  
Her hand is shaking, her knuckles white around the scissors, she has a look of pained confusion in her face and it troubles him.  
He reaches for her wrist and the she jumps away the scissors clattering to the floor.  
Bellamy tries to ignore how much the distance hurts him.  
"Clarke?"  
She can't stop the loud thoughts in her head, Echo's voice screaming in her mind, or the tears on her cheeks.  
"What's your favorite color?"  
"What?"  
"What's your favorite color? What was your mother's name? Your father's? Your biggest regret? I don't know you, Bellamy. How do you expect me to cut your hair when I don't even know who you are?"  
Bellamy reaches for her but she steps back, tears streaming down her cheeks.  
"I can't do this. Echo was right."  
The scissors clatter to the floor and she flings the door open and crashes into Gabriel who grabs her shoulder as she spins him around.  
"Clarke?"  
Her eyes are pink and her cheeks are red and she looks broken, miserable.  
"Help Bellamy! I need- air."  
She's out the door even as the others call after her.  
Bellamy looks miserable and Miller can tell that he is going to chase after her.  
"I'll talk to her, let Gabriel fix whatever is growing on your face."  
He waves a hand in his direction as turns to go after Clarke.  
Gabriel pushes Bellamy back into the bathroom.  
"You heard him."  


* * *

Miller's not sure how Clarke was able to leave the room because he's got a gun pointed at him the second he takes a few steps out the door but he points to Clarke's retreating back and they let him pass.  
Clarke turns the corner, and she opens the first door she can find and crumples to her knees, loud sobs echoing in the room that it masks the sound of the door opening.  
She flinches when two arms encircle her and pull her towards him but then she recognizes Miller's voice.  
He rubs her back as she breaks, and he closes his eyes.  
He wonders who was the last person outside of Bellamy who got to see Clarke break like this, who offered her the comfort she needed, the shoulder she needed to cry on.  
Clarke pulls away eventually, wiping her face ready to go back but Miller's not having it.  
"Talk to me."  
"We need to go back, come up with a plan."  
"No! We need to talk."  
Clarke tries to push past him but Miller plants his feet.  
"There is no time to talk Miller..."  
He cuts her off, "There never is any time for you Clarke! How much longer are you going to push away the fact that you are not okay? I get it, I'm not Bellamy. I can't hug you and make it all better, I don't know how you feel or what you are thinking with one look but Clarke... You thought Bellamy was dead... and my heart dropped. I don't even want to imagine how you felt."  
Clarke curls her shoulders forward as if she is trying to hide her heart from him.  
"Bellamy is your partner, your other half. And we all thought he was dead and now he's not. But you are not acting like someone who just got her other half back."  
"He's not _my_ other half."  
Miller laughs, throwing his head back, shoulders shaking as Clarke looks at him, not amused.  
"Are you kidding me? If not you, then who?"  
"He has a..."  
"Echo? The same person who stabbed Octavia, nearly killed you, killed a bunch of people here, Bellamy's person? She doesn't know him."  
"But she said..."  
Miller cups her face, needing her to see how serious he was.  
"Clarke, no one, not me, not even his sister knows him the way you do. You know him, the good, the bad, the things he won't tell anyone, the things he can't. You two have forgiven each other for things."  
Clarke closes her eyes.  
"I'm not the same girl I was before..."  
"And he's not the same, and still you two know each other. Sure, you both made your mistakes, but you two forgave each other for doing what others would consider unforgivable."  
"Echo's... I'm going to talk to him about that, but Clarke, the only time he took his eyes off you was to hug O, maybe he loves Echo, I don't know but I do know he loves you more and that you love him."  


* * *

Gabriel fills him in on things as he cuts his hair.  
He tells Bellamy about Hope and Diyoza dying, about Echo killing everyone, about Octavia going through the lessons and cozying up with Levitt, how Clarke had taken his death, how long they had been there ( not long).  
Bellamy's heart breaks when he hears about Diyoza's death and how Hope has to watch her die. He feels sick when he hears what Echo did- all the people she killed.  
He in turns tells Gabriel a bit of what happened with him- how cold it was, how he almost died.  
Gabriel pauses the conversation to ask Bellamy how short he wants his hair and then he helps Bellamy shave, telling him about what he learned about the key, about the people in Bardo.  
Just as Bellamy is pulling on a white shirt, someone knocks on the door.  
It's Clarke.

Clarke's heart is pounding as they walk back to the room. Raven opens her mouth but Miller pushes her towards the door and Clarke takes a deep breath as she knocks, Miller's words filling her with courage.  
Raven has made it clear that Echo is her family, her sister in a way she is not, but Bellamy, he's her.  
He's her best friend and she's is.  
And she loves him, the timing couldn't be worse but she does.  
And she's tired of letting the world get in between them.  
She knocks on the door and Gabriel steps out giving her a soft smile as she locks eyes with Bellamy. He closes the door behind her once she's in the room, his body close to her, soft brown eyes full of concern on hers and he reaches for her hand but she instead tangles her hands on his shirt, speaking softly to his chest.  
"Clarke?"  
"When, when Gabriel told me that you were dead, everything slowed down, I -I felt like everything was falling apart and all I needed was for someone to tell me that it was going to be okay but it wasn't because I needed you and you weren't there."  
Her hands pull on the white shirt he is wearing and he stumbles closer to her as she buries her head into the crook of his neck and he wraps an arm around her waist the other burying itself in her hair, he ducks his head to nuzzle her hair.  
"I'm here. I'm right here."  
Clarke presses a kiss to his collarbone and he lets out a soft sigh.  


Clarke pulls away trying to put some space between them but Bellamy's still pressed close to her. He presses his forehead to hers, "Blue, Aurora, my mom never told me, killing the Grounder army and leaving you behind."  
"What?"  
"You said that you didn't know all those things about me, well now you do."  
"Bellamy.." "When I was gone, when I spent those long cold day and nights in the cave... I thought of you. I talked to you. You gave me strength to keep climbing, to come back to you."  
She wants to kiss him, she's close enough too, she's been wanting to kiss him since that day back on the ground and he lifted his shirt to flash her the gun. She's loved him since before she sent him to the mountain. Love is not weak, how can it be when Bellamy has given her nothing but strength?  
But there is Echo to think about.  
"What about..."  
"We were done the second I dragged you to the woods to find Gabriel."  
Clarke opens her mouth to ask him if that was the case then why did Echo want to kill everyone but she's stopped by Bellamy's lips on hers.  
He kisses her softly, one hand sliding up to her hair the other on her back as he presses her into the door. She kisses him back, one hand sliding up to play with his now short hair, the other hand still clutching his shirt.  
When he pulls away to breathe she can lets out a soft whine, not wanting him to leave her. His eyes darken and then he's kissing her again, harder, his hand sliding under her shirt, fingers tight on her hip.  
The timing couldn't be worse- they are in danger of being killed, their friends are outside the room, she doesn't have the flame- but none of that matters.  
Bellamy is alive, kissing her.  
And for the first time in years, she lets herself be selfish, and put her needs, her wants before her people. 


End file.
